Time to say good-bye

We said good-bye to Brie and Tatum today. They fly out tomorrow for the west coast, eventually landing in northern California, their new home. Tatum is Jonah's best friend. His first best friend.

Brie has been my best friend in many ways over the last year and a half. She and I met when we were pregnant. We were in the same birthing class. We happened to hire the same midwives, and we ran into each other most weeks at the same prenatal yoga class. But, it wasn't until after the babies were born, during the early months of getting to know our babies and ourselves as new moms, that Brie and I really clicked.

Most of the eight moms from our birthing class started meeting regularly, about every week, when our babies were about 8 weeks old. Gradually, all the other moms of went back to work. At the time, Brie and I were the only stay-at-home moms. We happened to live on the same long street, a short walk from one another. We ended up spending a good deal of time together, getting the babies together on our living room floors at first and at the playgrounds and parks later, talking about nursing, sleep, solid food, teething and all the things you wonder about with your first baby. Brie was finishing her master's degree in public health so she was a valuable and credible source of information for me, the worried mom of a little baby. And, her sweet, open, patient and positive personality had such a calming effect on me. I have so much gratitude that I had her in my life at such an intense and wondrous time. So, I am sad to lose the day-to-day presence of that friendship. But, I also realized recently that that is not the only reason I am so sad to see them go. Brie has been a witness to Jonah's life. Other than Matthew and I, Brie is the person who knows Jonah best. She has been there through all our ups and downs, our trials and triumphs, big and small, all incredible and important.

Brie and I swapped babysitting regularly for several months starting when the babies were around 9 months old and then continued helping each other out in that way off and on right up until a few days ago. Over the last few weeks, Jonah and Tatum have spent a lot of time together. Brie needed time to organize, clean and pack their apartment, and I needed breaks now and then during Matthew's two recent work trips. I am so glad they had a lot of time together recently but it made it even harder to say good-bye today.

Not that it could have been easy anyway.

Jonah and Tatum make each other laugh. They have so much fun together. They mimic each other. Jonah loves to feed Tatum. He loves to hug her. She loves to chase him. He loves to be chased. They played "beautiful" music together on Brie's keyboard. Tatum ate better when she was around Jonah. And, they share a similar temperament, feisty, a little stubborn, minds of their own. It was always so clear to me not only how comfortable Jonah was in Brie's care, but also how much he loved spending time with her and Tatum. If I was having trouble getting Jonah to agree to get in his stroller, all I had to say was, "Do you want to go see Tatum and Brie?" and his face would light up and he'd make his happy noise. Brie said she often employed the same tactic with Tatum.

We had Brie and her husband, Jordan, and Tatum over to our house the other day for brunch as a way to say good-bye. The babies chased each other up and down our long hallway and "hiding" from each other in the different rooms. They danced and hopped around in Jonah's crib. They fought over toys, of course. Jordan left today by car with the trailer packed with all their stuff. Brie and Tatum leave tomorrow morning.

When Jonah woke up from his nap today, I sent a text message to Brie, just like I do many days, to see what they are up to in the afternoon. We made plans to meet up at Walter Pierce Park near my house, something we have done countless times over the past 18 months. It could have been any day, any play date. And, to the kids, it was just like any other day. They went on the swings and when Tatum asked to get down Jonah was bummed and made his sign for "more," as in "More Tatum on the swings." Tatum got on the little seesaw and pointed to other seat, her way of saying, "Jonah sit here." They giggled while "driving" the fire truck. They mimicked each other kicking their feet at the top of the slide. They "shared" snacks, each wanting the food that the other mom brought. They -sigh- hugged each other (at our request, of course) long enough to capture them on camera. Then, Brie mentioned how much she wanted to head to Larry's Ice Cream in Dupont Circle one last time, so we all headed down there and indulged in a late afternoon treat. I don't think anyone wanted the day to end. But, eventually, we headed toward home and hit the corner where we had to part ways, and we couldn't prolong it anymore - it was getting close to the babies' dinnertime. We said our good-byes and headed in opposite directions. I told Jonah Tatum is going to be a California girl. Matthew said, "The saddest part is that neither one of them know what they are losing."

Nothing prepares you for the enormity of love you have for your own child, but I was also surprised by how much I fell in love with Tatum. I love her because Jonah loves her. I love her because she likes to sit on my lap or have me pick her up or look at something I am wearing. I love her because she has a terrific mom who helped me survive the wonderful and challenging experience of raising a new baby and a young toddler, who listened and never judged, who helped me think things through, and who, most of all, provided one of the best models of good parenting I have ever seen.

I'm really not sure what I'm going to do without them. It's going to take some getting used to. I will have to watch Tatum continue to grow up from afar, through photos and emails. And, of course, I will wonder how long the kids will remember each other, knowing that some day they will probably forget, and that they will only know about that very special time in their lives (and their moms' lives) by the pictures we show them and the stories we tell them about how lucky they were to have, at such a young age, their very first best friend. ~ Nicole