Tuesday, October 19, 2010

My brain. My brain on babies.

Will I ever sleep again?
Will I ever exercise again?
Will I ever fit into my clothes?
Will my house ever be clean?
Will I ever make soup before the squash rot?
Will I ever be able to finish a conversation?
Will I ever feel like I'm being a good mom to each boy separately and both of them together?
Will I ever feel like I'm being a good wife?
Will I ever go out to dinner and a movie again?
Will I ever have more than a few minutes alone?
Will I ever finish the dishes?
Will I ever go back to work? And when I do will I still feel like I'm employable?
Will Julian ever take a bottle, for real?
Will Jonah ever stop having tantrums?
Is it normal to want to scream my head off for no apparent reason?
Will we ever buy a house?
Will we ever buy a second car?
Will I ever feel organized again?
Will we ever finish unpacking?
Will Jonah ever go to bed on time again?
Will both kids ever take naps at the same time?
Will I ever finish a project? Will I ever START a project?
Will Jonah ever stop wearing diapers?
Will Julian ever sleep in a crib?
Will Julian ever sleep somewhere other than my bedroom?
Will comments like, "Cherish these moments" ever stop bugging me?
Will I ever shave my legs again?
Will I ever give up my ice cream every day habit?
Will I ever do yoga again?
Will I ever write all the thank you notes?
Will I ever write in Julian's baby book?
Will I ever send out Julian's birth announcements?
Will I ever return all my emails and phone calls?
Will I ever finish my "to do" list? Will I ever do more than keep re-writing my "to do" list?
Will the bags under my eyes ever go away?
Will I ever find time to actually write again?
Will this list ever end?
~ Nicole

Saturday, October 9, 2010

No more time

My days are full but don't ask me what I've been doing. I have two kids and feel guilty every day that I am never able to find a few minutes to do many of the things I used to like to do. One of those is writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote when I was pregnant with Jonah, and wrote some more when he was a baby and growing into a toddler. Now, Jonah is nearly 3 and Julian is 3 months. The precious free moments I have are usually spent in one of three ways: sleeping, bathing or catching up on chores that have piled up in my house. I yearn to write more, to read more. Every so often, I catch a few minutes on the computer and find a good, if short, read. Here, I will share one with you. One that resonates with me right now, after having house guests of one sort or another over four days last week. After whipping our house into shape, moving as many unpacked boxes out of their way as possible, hanging pictures and putting out flowers literally moments before their arrival. Anyway, I had time to read the blog on Motherwoman's website today. Well, I had time to read one post. And, I can relate. So I will post the link here in case someone else is interested in reading a nice little story about the life of a mom caring for two kids. I comment the writer, Allison, for her honesty and for carving out the space in her life to write it. I hope to get there someday, too.


~ Nicole