The birth of parents

Things are looking up, and I've learned that I need to trust my gut.

We talked to Jonah's doctor about his crying fits. She is convinced that it's just gas and that with some modifications to my diet, this will soon pass.

Before we called her, I was already feeling like we were overthinking the whole situation. We had the good advice from the lactation consultant, but some of it just wasn't sitting right with me. I just wasn't feeling right when I wasn't feeding Jonah even though he seemed hungry because we thought he had indigestion. (Since he can't tell the difference between the two kinds of pain, he often makes hunger signals when he's got indigestion.) It just felt wrong to not feed my baby when he clearly seemed hungry. Now, I believe my gut feeling was right. If he's hungry he will eat. If he's not, he may suck for a few minutes but then stop. Or maybe he'll spit up. I'm sure spitting up isn't fun for him, but it's relatively minor.

And, I've stopped worrying about having too much milk. I can think of worse problems. Jonah is gaining weight and his doctor is happy with that. I can do some simple things to make my milk supply jive with his needs, but I also believe eventually we will sync up.

It's not like things are going to turn around overnight. But, just knowing that we can do something to relieve Jonah's pain and that the end is in sight really helps. Plus, even though Jonah continues to cry sometimes despite all our best efforts to soothe him, it's not like we are wasting our time by rocking him or holding him. His doctor reminded us that even though he keeps crying, he knows we are there for him and that he can count on us to take care of him. We are imprinting this feeling of security on him, even when he has to keep crying.

We love Jonah's doctor. She's so cool-headed and loving and keeps reinforcing that we do, indeed, know how to take care of Jonah. She seems to know that all we need is a little more confidence and helps instill that in us with every conversation. For me, that means making sure any advice we get passes my gut test.

We may still be learning this whole parenting thing, but the fact is that we are his parents and we already know more than we think we do. ~ Nicole

Milking it

Jonah is now 9 pounds. We weighed him at The Breastfeeding Center yesterday, where we met with a lactation consultant. We've had a rough couple of days. He's been crying more lately, including after he eats.

We're not sure what's wrong but the lactation consultant had a few ideas. It's possible that I could have an oversupply of milk, or he could have indigestion or reflux, which causes him discomfort. At the same time, he's really clamping down on me causing me a lot of pain. It could be his way of trying to stop the milk flow so he doesn't gag, but we're really not sure. I have to unlatch and relatch him over and over, which really frustrates him . . . and me. Plus, he's getting stronger -- I'm amazed really about how strong he is -- so he is getting better at fighting me. Little flailing fists don't make it very easy to see what you're doing. I swear, new mothers should grow a third arm. I can't tell you how many times I wished I had at least one extra hand to hold his arm out of the way.

We've been dealing with this for a few days but it feels like a week, and I'm really dreading what it will be like when Matthew has to go back to work on Monday.

The lactation expert gave us some good advice, including teaching me how to perfect Jonah's latch. We felt really good when we left the center, but now that I'm home it's hard to put her tips into practice. Maybe because she often provided that third hand when I was practicing at the center yesterday! Meanwhile, I'm now no longer eating soy, in addition to no dairy, in case it's upsetting his stomach and causing indigestion. So, I've moved on to rice milk. If the problem is reflux, we are assured it's just a matter of time before his body matures enough to keep the milk down. For now, I can do more nursing with him in a more upright position, which is fine, except in the middle of the night when the side-lying position is best because it lets everyone get right back to sleep. And, since Jonah can't tell the difference between pain caused by hunger and pain caused by indigestion, it's Matthew's job to soothe him after feedings. If he calms down within a few minutes, he's probably full. For some reason, I have a harder time soothing him after he eats. I think it's because he knows that I'm where his food comes from.

A couple other things she told us: It might be a good time to buy a pump and let Matthew give him my milk in a bottle once a day to give me a break. And, Jonah's big enough for a pacifier if he just needs to soothe himself. Despite my severe pain, I am finding it hard to accept these two pieces of advice. I know I will have to pump eventually and I'm not totally against pacifiers in general, but I'm reluctant to start so soon. He's still so little!

The good news is that despite the problems, Jonah is steadily gaining weight, so he is obviously getting enough milk even though I have been repeatedly unlatching him, much to his dismay, and then sometimes just saying, "Enough. We're done for now."

The nights are the hardest. No matter how many daytime naps we take, waking up for a 1 a.m. and then a 3 a.m. changing and feeding is not easy. But, the sun comes up every morning, and we know we've made it through another night. This morning, Jonah and I had another rough feeding which I ended when his good latch suddenly changed to bad and painful. After I managed to soothe him for a few minutes, he then started with another crying jag. I did the hand off to Matthew, wondering if Jonah was still hungry. A few minutes later, Jonah was asleep on Matthew's chest -- this seems to be his favorite place to sleep -- and then a few minutes after that, Matthew was asleep, too. We have a peaceful house, for now. ~ Nicole

Growing

Jonah is growing! He had his two-week doctor visit today and now weighs 8 pounds 10 ounces. His doctor is very happy with his growth. She said most people are pleased when babies have regained their birth weight by the time they are two weeks old. Jonah already gained back his birth weight (7 pounds, 11 ounces) and then some! As a breastfeeding mom, it makes me feel good, like I've been doing something right. And, all those sleepless nights are worth it.

Matthew and I have a pretty good system for night feedings, but everything is harder when you don't get enough sleep. Matthew gets up first and changes Jonah's diaper. Then, he brings the baby back to bed so I can nurse him. Matthew also usually fills up my water bottle and brings me a snack. After Jonah is finished, burped and soothed back to sleep, we all sleep again for about two hours before doing it all over again. All night long. It's really hard sometimes, especially when Jonah doesn't go right back to sleep. And, it can be pretty comical, too, like the night that Matthew was so tired that he fell asleep while talking to me. He started to say something and then he was asleep, just like that!

I had a good checkup this week, too. I visited my midwives for my two-week postpartum checkup yesterday. They say that I am recovering and healing well. But, they also reminded me that postpartum recovery lasts about six weeks and to be patient with my body. It's easy to forget how much my body went through now that I'm starting to feel better. Meanwhile, I'm shrinking. I've barely had time to step on a scale, but when I did a few days ago, I was about 18 pounds lighter than I was at the end of my pregnancy. I'm nowhere near my regular weight, but it's quite amazing how fast breastfeeding takes the weight off. And, I'm hungier now than I was when I was pregnant!

We're all eating well thanks to all our friends who have been dropping off food for us over these past two weeks. It's made everything so much easier because we don't have to worry about what's for dinner. Thank you everyone! ~ Nicole