Separation anxiety

For about 30 minutes yesterday, we didn't know where Jonah was. Actually, he was right where he was supposed to be, sort of, and everything was fine, but it gave us quite a scare, like nothing I have ever felt before.

I dropped Jonah off at the babysitter's house at 1 p.m., as usual. My friend, Brie, and I have babies of the same age and recently started swapping babysitting for each other twice a week. She watches Jonah for three hours each Monday and Friday afternoon and I watch her daughter, Tatum, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The routine is pretty much the same every time. Jonah and Tatum play together for a bit at Brie's. Then, it's time for a walk and naps in the big double stroller we have borrowed for this purpose. The babies usually nap from around 2 to 3 p.m. Then, it's back to Brie's for more playtime or sometimes they end up at a park or playground in our neighborhood.

Yesterday, after I dropped off Jonah, I headed to a cafe just down the street so I could work on my computer without the distractions of home, like piles of laundry and dishes to do. (I recently started working part-time from home.) By 3:45 p.m., I felt like I had been very productive and done about as much as I could do, so I packed up my stuff. Just as I was leaving the cafe, Matthew sent me a text message saying he was on his way home from work. Perfect timing, I thought. I walked over to Brie's house and arrived a few minutes early.

It wasn't that unusual that Brie didn't answer the door when I knocked -- she is often occupied wrangling two nearly 10-month-old babies -- so, as I often do, I pushed the door open and said, "Hello!" Strangely, the apartment was dark. And quiet. Well, I thought, I am a bit early. Maybe the babies took late naps or maybe they are playing outside somewhere. I bet they will be here any minute. I decided to sit on the front steps and wait for them. At 4 p.m. I sent Brie a text message saying I was at her house. After a few minutes and no reply, I gave her a call. After I dialed her number, I got a strange message saying that the call could not go through. This is when I started to worry.

I called Matthew, who was almost to our neighborhood. He reassured me that everything was probably fine but said he would meet me at Brie's and we'd try to figure out what to do next. I walked back in the house and found Brie's landlord. "What time did Brie leave with the babies?" I asked. "Oh, some time ago," she said. By now, Matthew had arrived. I decided to check Brie's apartment one more time, on the off-chance that she and the babies had been in the back bedroom and didn't hear me the first time. "Hello!" I yelled. "Brie?" No answer. No sign of the stroller.

We called Brie's husband, who works nearby. He hadn't heard from Brie but didn't seem alarmed about her phone. "Her phone does that sometimes." For some reason, that didn't make me feel better. He offered to walk over to one of the parks where we sometimes bring the babies to see if they were there.

"It's just not like Brie to be late," I told Matthew. "It's not like her to not let me know where she's going to be."

I called Brie's cell phone a few more times. I still couldn't get through.

Matthew decided to drive around on some of the streets where Brie usually walks. I would wait at Brie's.

Before Matthew got in the car, I realized that about 25 minutes had passed since I had arrived at Brie's house. For the first time ever, I had no knowledge of Jonah's whereabouts.

"Where could they be?" I said. I searched the streets with my eyes, wondering, where is my baby? Where is Jonah? I sat on the curb and put my face in my hands and let the fear that had been building up inside me overtake me. After a moments, I pulled myself together and sent Matthew on his way, clutching my cell phone tightly in my fist. By now, it was nearly 4:30 p.m.

Suddenly, my phone rang. I looked at the screen. Brie!

"I'm at Walter Pierce Park," she said. One of the playgrounds near our house. One of the parks where we always take the babies to play.

Everything was OK. Nothing bad had happened. Brie had sent me several text messages, but because her phone wasn't working, I never got them.

"My phone said they went through. I thought it was weird that you didn't reply, but then I just figured you were really busy working," Brie said.

I started walking really fast toward my house, where Brie said she would meet us in a few minutes. I called Matthew to tell him everything was OK. He picked me up along the way and we headed home.

"That was such a scary feeling," he said after I got in the car.

A few minutes later, Brie walked up to our house, both babies smiling happily, chomping on their sippy cups.

"I'm so sorry," Brie said, a little out of breath, as I picked up Jonah and held him close.

"It's OK," I said, kissing my baby, taking in his scent, touching his soft hair. I looked into his eyes, blue like Matthew's with some flecks of brown, like mine, and said, "It's OK." ~ Nicole