My fabulous Saturday night

6:16 p.m. Jonah looks sleepy. Change diaper. Strip down to just onesie and socks for bed.
6:26 p.m. Lie in bed reading "Time for Bed" and "Good Night Moon." Jonah acts hungry toward end of second book. Skim last few pages and start nursing.
6:45 p.m. Jonah is holding his feet, ala happy baby yoga pose, smiling and rocking. Does not seem sleepy. Rubs face once in a while so I know he is tired.
6:46 p.m. Move to rocker to nurse on other side. Jonah seems less sleepy than before.
6:56 p.m. Move back to bed. Try to nurse Jonah to sleep. No cigar.
6:57 p.m. Jonah spits up on his onesie.
6:58 p.m. Change Jonah into footy pajamas. Put in Ergo carrier and head out for a walk.
7:17 p.m. Jonah asleep in carrier.
7:30 p.m. Carefully unload Jonah. Swaddle him - badly. Swaddle him again. He fights it and cries. Hold him, pat his back, sing to him. His eyes are wide open and he's looking around the bedroom.
7:35 p.m. Take him to rocker. Undo top of swaddle. Nurse him some more.
7:40 p.m. Jonah is asleep. Redo swaddle. Again, he fights it, wakes up.
7:45 p.m. Back in carrier. Back outside.
7:46 p.m. Jonah spits up, but just a little. I wipe it off and keep walking.
7:48 p.m. Spits up again. A lot!
7:52 p.m. Back home. Change Jonah into new pajamas.
8:00 p.m. Call Matthew, who is working, in desperation. Tell him I'm tempted to just keep Jonah up until he gets home.
8:05 p.m. I put Jonah on the bed and feed the cats. Jonah cries. The cats cry. I cry.
8:10 p.m. Jonah is in bouncy seat. I'm drinking chamomile tea. Jonah fusses. Then cries. I just look at him.
8:11 p.m. Back in carrier. Back outside. Jonah cries up and down several streets. People stare at me. I can't remember the last time I looked at myself in the mirror and wonder what's going on with my hair. People are walking to their Saturday night activities, dressed nicely, carrying bottles of wine, flowers. High heels click on the sidewalk. I hear every sound.
8:22 p.m. Jonah quiets but is still awake. He rubs his face on his hands, my chest.
8:40 p.m. Jonah is asleep. I walk a little more for good measure.
8:50 p.m. Slowly and carefully unload Jonah from carrier into swaddle. I do the swaddle as fast as possible. Jonah fusses and cries. I pat his back, sway, sing. His head droops. He lifts it up. It droops again.
8:56 p.m. I slowly lower him into his cradle.
8:57 p.m. Matthew sends me a text saying he'll be home soon.
9:00 p.m. I pour myself more tea. As I'm about to sip, Jonah cries. I pick him up, pat his back, sway, shush him. He drifts off. I lower him back down.
9:05 p.m. Look in mirror. Examine lines in my forehead. Consider going right to bed. Decide to finish tea.
9:37 p.m. Jonah sleeps. The cats sleep. I will sleep ... soon.
~ Nicole