Self Soothing

We had sort of a break-through the other day. We've been struggling with Jonah's unwillingness to sleep for weeks now. Nicole has been struggling a lot more than I, since she is home with him all day and has to wake up to feed him many times during the night. The lack of sleep really makes everything harder. You can't think clearly - in my case it meant I was unable to pull my head out of my ass until about three days ago. We were at the end of our ropes and, as it turns out, my rope is considerably shorter than Nicole's. She really needed my help but I was so consumed with my own frustration that I just couldn't see it. Apparently throwing your hands up and stomping out of the room doesn't qualify as support. Who knew? Although the night I'm about to describe didn't lead directly to our breakthrough, it did help get us there. Each night when it comes time for Jonah to settle down and sleep, he often does one of two things: cries like hell or gets super happy and excited. Neither of which involve sleeping. The shushing/singing/rocking thing sometimes works but lately, more often than not, it has no effect at all. So Jonah gets more and more unhappy and I become more and more frustrated. I'm just standing in the bedroom, holding a crying baby and wishing I knew what to do. Knowing that Nicole, who is out in the living room enjoying a few rare minutes of time to herself, will have to come to my rescue yet again.  Jonah could be easily soothed by the breast, but he'd already eaten and we are trying to break that pattern so that he doesn't wake up every hour needing Nicole. We haven't had that many sleepy baby tricks up our sleeves because Jonah seemed to be sleeping more and more, until a couple weeks ago. So, the other night, without a clue as to how to settle the boy down, I put on the Baby Bjorn and headed out for a walk. It was dusk and the temperature was perfect. The moment we stepped outside, Jonah stopped fussing and a calm look settled over his face. I walked back behind our house into the Kalorama neighborhood, between Columbia Road and Connecticut Avenue, where the traffic noise drifts into the distance. So many of the houses in Kalorama have beautiful gardens in front, full of flowers and flowering trees and people sitting out on their stoops, sipping glasses of wine and watching people like me walk by. Jonah, so quiet and still, just took it all in. As we walked past the Chinese embassy, we caught the last few seconds of the nightly free tibet rally when the protesters stand facing the building and sing a song about Tibet. As we continued west, past the beautiful home that serves as French Ambassador's residence, I realized that I had let go of all the tension and frustration that I had been carrying when I left the house. I had been soothed by this quiet, lovely walk. It felt good to be out in the air with Jonah, even if this wouldn't necessarily lead to better night's sleep, I knew it was good for both of us. I looked down and smiled at my son, bobbing along in front of me, sound asleep.