Not in a million years would I have imagined myself doing the following: Baking oatmeal cookies while singing and dancing along to "Reggae Playground" on the Putamayo Kids CD for the entertainment of Jonah, who smiles and giggles at me from his Baby Einstein Exersaucer, his favorite new toy, as I await the arrival of my playgroup of moms from my birthing class and their babies, all right around Jonah's age. I guess I had a burst of energy after taking three naps yesterday (while Jonah napped) in a desperate attempt to catch up on some sleep. Here are the cookies to prove it. Full disclosure: Cookies not from scratch.
***
The phone rings as I am changing Jonah's very poopy diaper . . . for the second time in five minutes. It's Matthew.
"Chip called and he and Gina were wondering if we wanted to meet them for dinner at Mixtec."
"Hmm." I pause. I want to go, but I also want to keep Jonah on track with his bedtime routine. "I don't think we should. It sounds fun and I'd like to, but I want to give this bedtime thing a little more time to work. Maybe we can try going out next week."
"OK," Matthew says, and we hang up.
Suddenly, I have visions of yummy chicken salad with avocado and delicious cilantro dressing. I look outside. It's still very warm and very sunny and people are strolling the sidewalks. I look at my now freshly-diapered baby, smiling up at me, cheerful as ever despite having no real afternoon nap. Chip and Gina have a 16-month-old daughter, Eloisa, and will totally understand if Jonah is cranky or we have to bail mid-dinner.
I pick up the phone.
"I changed my mind," I tell Matthew. "If we can't go out with our friends who have a kid, who can we go out with?"
"Excellent point," he says.
I look at Jonah. "Yaaaayyyy!" I say to him. He beams at me.
***
Nursing Jonah to sleep. In his blue footless jammies, he is curled in my lap. The fan hums. In the glow of the night light, we rock. He kicks one leg up and down like he is kickstarting a motorcycle. "Kicky leg," I whisper. "Shhhh." Gradually, his movements slow. His hand drifts slowly up and down, up and down, sometimes grasping my shirt, other times his fingers lightly brushing me as he nurses. His eyes are still open but he is in another world, relaxing, getting sleepy. After a time, he drifts off to sleep, no longer nursing, but his mouth still makes a soft sucking motion in his sleep. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. He squeaks and I think he will wake up, but he sighs and sleeps. I can't believe that I could ever love him more than I do right now. But, I remember thinking that just yesterday, or maybe earlier today, and right now, I do indeed love him even more than that. ~ Nicole
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