People say weird and sometimes inappropriate things to pregnant women. I know I probably did this myself before I was pregnant.
Two women in my birthing class who are pretty close to their due dates told me that people ask them all the time, "Oh my god, are you having twins?!" I mean, why not just come out and say to them, "Wow, you are really huge!" It has the same effect.
A couple weeks ago a woman said to me, "Wow, you look like you're about to pop any time now! When are you due?" This was in early October. I replied flatly, "January 3." As in, I'm not even close to popping, you inconsiderate bitch. Her response, "Oh, well, wow!" followed by some strange nasally exclamations that may or may not have been actual words. Then, she walked away.
Then, there are the people who "mean well." In my experience, lots of well meaning comments come from older women who had their babies decades ago. I'm acquainted with some older women who ask me from time to time how I'm feeling or how things are going. When I report that I'm great except I can't sleep, my back hurts, etc. they, almost without fail, usually say, "Well, just wait until the baby comes! Then you'll really know what it's like not to sleep!" Um. OK. Thanks.
Some people think it's inappropriate to touch the belly of a pregnant woman. Here is where my feeling is very different. I think it's almost instinctual for people to reach their open palms toward the belly. Toward the baby. Some people believe that our hearts are connected to our palms. Our hearts reach out to babies on a very basic level and so it makes sense to me that their hands would follow that path. They just can't help doing this. It's reflexive. Sometimes, people's brains catch them in the act and they stop midstream, hands outstretched but not yet touching my belly. "Is it OK?" they might ask or they're eyes might say to me. My answer is almost always, "Of course." And I place their hands on my belly. On the baby. And, I welcome the warmth from the heart. You've got to get it where you can. ~ Nicole
3 comments:
Thank you for that, it was lovely and reassuring. I am always worried that the pregnant ladies in my life (three of you!) feel terribly molested and just want some space already.
I love your blogs and stories..they make me laugh and cry and say, "ditto."
I am due Nov 16th so there is a baby pool going on at my work (yes, I am "still working")and women have actually asked me if I can close my legs all the way still and if I am still having sex as a way to decide what day they will pick. Apparently earning 10 bucks in the office pool pushes all appropriatness aside.
hey, at least you are actually indeed pregnant. it's better than just getting, "hey are you pregnant?" when the reality is, you're not even close to being pregnant! that's always fun when that happens.
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