Roadblocks

I'm trying hard to turn the many roadblocks I see in my path this morning into opportunities.

That sounds so corny, like a self-help book, but it's true.

Both kids woke up way too early today. I think I finally looked at the clock at 5:30, after Julian wouldn't stop tossing and turning next to me. I ignored him for as long as I could, but it's impossible to ignore a 9-month-old baby in your bed, when all he wants to do is giggle and crawl around and try to dive off the bed. About 20 minutes later, I heard Jonah. Awake from coughing and crying for me. I made a half-hearted attempt to get each of them back to sleep. It wasn't happening. I convinced Jonah to bring some books to my bed, thinking I could at least stay horizontal a bit longer. It turned out to be a wonderful hour we spent talking and reading in bed, and I was amazed by the fact that Jonah has memorized many of his books and likes "reading" his books to me just as much as he enjoys having me read to him. He "read" Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, The Runaway Bunny, The Little Bunny and Cleo's Counting Book to me. Soon, he grew hoarse and started coughing again. He was refusing the homeopathic cough syrup I offered, but I convinced him to join me and Julian in the bathroom for some steam. I tricked him. I told him I needed to take Julian in the bathroom for the steam to help his cold, but that I'd love it if he'd join us and play with his squirt trains in the sink. We stayed in there for as long as the shower stayed hot. Julian played on the floor with bath toys while Jonah "washed" his trains in the sink.

My plan is to go to a mothers' support group this morning. Matthew is out of town on work, so I arranged for a friend to watch Jonah and have a playdate while I took Julian to the group. But, the friend canceled due to her own family's challenges (cold, lack of sleep, etc.). I totally understand. But, I need to come up with a new plan. Fast. Well, not really, since I was up at the crack, but I'm very slow-witted in the early morning. When my plans fall through at the last minute, I often feel very, very indecisive about which direction to go. I could just stay home and skip everything, taking what can feel like the path of least resistance. But, then, it's so nice out and I was looking forward to the walk. Jonah has this terrible cough, so I'm just not sure about taking him to the playroom where he could play while I'm in the group. I don't think his cold is contagious any more but he has a hacking, gagging cough that is very disconcerting, especially to people who haven't heard it off and on every day and night for a few days, like I have. (The homeopathic cough stuff does seem to work, but you really do have to take it every two hours on the dot.) Anyway, I know I may freak people out by bringing my "sick" kid to a playroom today, but I really NEED the group. So, then I was thinking, well maybe I'll skip the group and just take the kids to a playground. But, I can't commit to that. It's because I really need to go to the group today. So, now I am thinking that we will go anyway, as soon as Julian wakes up. I should be helping Jonah get ready, but here I am writing away.

I decided to let Jonah wear his pajamas, which are really just the clothes he wore yesterday afternoon for his nap ... and the same clothes he wore to bed last night. So, that's one less thing to do. One less roadblock to leave the house. But, I still need to get him to brush his teeth. I need to put some snacks in the bag. I need to get everyone's shoes and coats on. I need to strap the kids into the stroller, and bring the Ergo in case Julian gets crazy at group, and start walking. Group starts in 20 minutes. Julian is still napping, which I'm totally not complaining about. Jonah is playing with his trains, but kind of wishing I would pay attention to him. Ah, and he's starting to brush his teeth! Maybe to get my attention! Gotta go support this positive behavior! Stay tuned to find out if I actually get out of the house this morning ... and maintain a positive attitude. Hopefully, it won't take me another three months to write. ~ Nicole

Dust and all

My house is driving me crazy. Toys are everywhere. Dishes always need to be washed. The laundry stands in piles and in baskets around the house in various states of dirty, clean, unfolded and folded. There is baby clothing both boys have outgrown to sort through and pass along. Toys and baby gadgets we no longer want or need. A bag of miscellaneous items for donation. Boxes of framed photos that haven't yet been hung on the walls. Dust. Crumbs. Smears. Cat fur collecting on the couch. Recycling to sort and put in bins. Shoes just screaming to be lined up or put away in closets. I am home a lot lately. It is winter in New England and we have lately been pummeled with snow and frigid, frigid temperatures. Too snowy and too cold to take two little ones outside most of the time. We do it anyway any chance we get, but we are home more than we are out doing things. I spend a lot of time thinking about ways I wish I could improve my surroundings, our living space. But, I don't spend much time actually doing any of it. Between feeding two kids and ourselves, diaper changes, clothing changes, reading books, naps, etc. there isn't much time leftover to hang pictures or beautify our place. When I do get a chance to clear away some clutter, vaccuum and give most surfaces a wipe down, it does look pretty nice in here. But, it never lasts. Today, I found myself trying very hard to accept this state of affairs. To give myself a break. It's winter in New England for godsake! Not easy to cart away bags and boxes of unwanted items. Not easy to escape the dust that accumulates or dirt that gets track in. I looked around and tried to say, "So what. So what if there's a baby swing in my bedroom being used as a clothes hanger. So what if there is a plastic bin full of baby clothes in my dining room. So what if every corner of every room has a pile of toys in it. So what if there are bits of dried up Play Dough on the kitchen floor. So what." It won't always be this way, I told myself. Spring will come. We will clean. We will clear out. That's what we do in the spring. January is over. It is light out past 5 p.m. these days. The light is coming. The days are lengthening. Soon enough, we can clean and beautify, both indoors and out. "I can't wait until we can sit out on the porch and drink coffee," Matthew said today as he and Jonah played in the snow in the front yard. Yes! That WILL happen. Soon enough. Soon enough we can escape the indoors and stomp in the mud, smell the grass, feel the warm breeze, soak up the sun. It will come. It will. Until then, we will bake, drink tea, make soup, make finger paintings, build tall Lego towers, watch Julian learn how to crawl, run circles around the racetrack in the house, read lots of books, venture out when we can to the library, play in the snow, go out to a warm and cozy restaurant with our kids who actually behave really well at restaurants and simply be grateful for it all. Dust and all. ~ Nicole

Time.

Tonight, I am home alone. Both kids are asleep (for now anyway). Matthew is working. I was in my pajamas by 7:15. I am drinking chamomile tea. A bunch of my girlfriends are meeting up in a few minutes to have drinks. I was supposed to go, but I am the babysitter tonight. I am both happy and sad to be home alone in a quiet (for now) house. It's peaceful, but I find myself so rarely in this type of environment, in this state of things, that I have forgotten a bit how to do this. Nothing. Or, whatever I want. Or almost whatever I want. (Probably not going to turn the stereo up real loud and dance around.) I could start watching a movie, but I worry that Julian will wake up and interrupt it and I won't get very far into the movie before deciding to just give in and take him to bed with me. I have a book, but ... There's Julian. See?